Song of Solomon
by Beauty-Jackson
Summary: Saving a life kind of makes you responsible for it.Jacob finds this out the hard way. R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**SONG OF SOLOMON**

PROLOGUE: The Bride

"Where the hell were you!?" Leah stood in front of Jacob, the silk, close fitting wedding dress that she wore was soaked through, so much so that he could make out the vague outline of her dark nipples .Her hair, also soaked, was flat and stuck to her beautiful face. Any trace of make-up had been washed away by the rain, except for the mascara which had run down her face in streaks.

Jacob slid out from under the car he'd been working on "I had sh* t to do."

"Like what!?"

"Just some sh * t..." Jacob said gruffly, refusing to make eye contact. "Important sh * t."

Leah shook her head incredulously. She wanted to knock him out. He had wilfully ruined her wedding day and still had the audacity to be so cavalier.

"What's more important than giving your best friend away on the most important day of her life !?" Leah demanded, her hands firmly on her hips.

Jacob got up, simply shrugged ,wiped his hands on his jeans, walked past Leah without a word and went over to his work bench. He sat down and picked up a screwdriver and began tinkering with parts.

When it became apparent that no explanation was forthcoming, Leah could feel the anger and frustration begin to brew in the base of her stomach, she wasn't just seeing red, she was beginning to feel it too. It bubbled and swirled like lava, rapidly rising up through her core, past her heart which began to rapidly beat, then up to her head. Before she knew what she was doing she had picked up the nearest wrench and went straight for the car Jacob had been working on.

Leah took a deep breath and swung the wrench with all the power she possessed. The windscreen shattered in to thousands of teeny tiny pieces. Not satisfied with the carnage, Leah raised the wrench again, aiming for one of the wing mirrors but was stopped in her tracks by Jacob who had swiftly grabbed the end of the wrench.

"What the f * ck Lee !?-" Jacob yelled trying to retrieve the wrench from Leah's iron grip but to no avail.

Leah twisted her body to face Jacob and used her heel clad foot to stealthily kick him in the gut. Whilst her manoeuvre hadn't hurt him, it did momentarily wind him and made him double over, forcing him to relinquish the wrench.

With the advantage she had gained by disabling Jacob, Leah turned back towards the car "It sucks having something you care about ruined , doesn't it.?",she said with all the spite she could muster. Just as Leah was about to swing for the second time, Jacob grabbed her waist and tackled her to the ground, this time forcing her to drop the wrench as they both went tumbling to the floor, rolling around in the dirt.

"You said you'd be there for me. You promised me that you'd never let me down…"Leah said clawing at Jacob, pushing his face hard with the palm of her hand.

And he had meant to keep his promise too. But this morning as he lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, silently willing himself to get up and find the strength to be the best friend she needed him to be, he found he physically couldn't do it. His broken spirit, pounding head and aching heart told him exactly what he had known for months, what he had tried to deny.

Jacob Black has fallen desperately in Love with Leah Clearwater. But it was more than that, he had imprinted on her and much to his and the rest of the packs amazement, Leah didn't seem to have a clue.

Today he couldn't keep up the pretence any longer, even though he had wanted to because if anybody deserved to be happy it was Leah, and that's all he really wanted for her. _Her happiness._

"I'm sorry I let you down Lee.." Jacob said whilst trying to restrain the thrashing woman underneath him.

"No you're not !"Leah tried her best to simultaneously reach for the fallen wrench whilst trying to get Jacob, who had the physical advantage in human form, off of her. It wasn't working. "If you didn't wanna give me away then you should have said…"

Jacob finally managed to pin her body down, with her arms above her head inadvertently forcing her to stop moving and catch her breath.

"What should I have said Leah!? That I imprinted on you, Cos' I did. You're officially my soul mate. Surprised?"

Leah lay completely still, of all the things that she had been expecting to come out of Jacob's mouth, this was not one of them.

"…Every time your fiancé touches you I want to rip his beating heart out of his chest with my bare hands, is that what I should have said?…" Jacob stopped abruptly and took a deep breath, he swore quietly, let go of Leah, got up and immediately turned away.

Leah stood up too, slowly. She looked down at her once beautiful wedding dress, which was now grey, and had a rip the length of a number 2 pencil along her bust, displaying her lace white bra.

Jacob turned around to face Leah, ".. should I have said that the thought of watching you become Mrs Clayton Forrester today made me want to get a gun, load it's barrel, put it in my mouth and pull the trigger…"

There were no words for what must have been a couple of minutes but what seemed like eternity. Leah had no idea what to say but she felt the need to say something "Jake…",she began.

"Better yet..", Jake interrupted, slowly walking towards her. "…maybe I should have just man'ed up and told you everything." He stopped in front of her.

Leah gulped; she struggled to get any words out. Suddenly it felt like there was no air left. , "Which is what exactly?" she choked.

"That I am so frikkin' in Love with you that I can't eat, sleep or think straight, that..."

"Yes-" Leah interjected suddenly, her hand unexpectedly covering his mouth to stop him from talking, "That's exactly what you should have said."

TBC.


	2. Chapter 2

**SONG OF SOLOMON**

CHAPTER 2: JAGGED LITTLE PILLS

**A YEAR EARLIER…..**

"Leah…Leah, speak to me….Please, Leah." Jacob could feel the panic rise from the base of his gut as he repeatedly tapped her face. No response.

He picked up one of the empty pill bottles that had rolled a few inches from her unconscious hand. Vicodin.

_Damn!_ Jacob thought as he picked her up into his arms. It suddenly occurred to Jacob that in all the time he had known Leah Clearwater, he had never once been this physically close to her. Never once held her in his arms and despite her considerable strength she was surprisingly light to the touch; like a ragdoll flailing in his arms.

She was still warm, and just about breathing.

Diligently, Jacob used his foot to kick open Sue Clearwater's bathroom door, once inside he deposited Leah in the Bathtub, then proceeded to stick his two fingers down her throat, far enough for her lifeless body to begin to wretch and heave.

Jacob rubbed her back as she purged, emptying her body of tablets and what little food she'd eaten that day.

Once he was sure that she was an empty vessel, Jacob put on the cold tap and watched the water rain down on Leah, who barely moved. She was still limp but a little more responsive then she had previously been.

When all the vomit and mucus had been washed down the drain, Jacob gently wiped hair from Leah's face and picked her soaking body up. With one arm he picked up a fluffy blue towel and went through into her bedroom, where he sat down on the bed with her still in his arms.

He tried to preserve her dignity as best he could. He undressed her quickly and methodically, discarding her wet, dirty clothes in a pile on her floor, then he dried her soaking wet body and quickly rummaged around for a night shirt. He settled for a 'Washington State University' one that had probably once belonged to Sam Uley by the look and size of it ,but it would have to do for now. Once she was dressed he pulled back her bed sheets and tucked her in, making sure the covers were secure and warm around her feminine form.

Jacob looked down at his watch, everyone was probably wondering where he had got to but right now he didn't care. This was where he needed to be.

He wondered if he should call emergency services. Carlisle Cullen came to mind but he knew Leah wouldn't want that. And anyway, if he got Doctors involved she'd have to undergo psychological assessment, possibly go on medication or worse maybe even stay at a mental facility. Sue would have to be notified and everyone on the reservation would probably find out. People already thought Leah was mentally unstable they didn't need any more of a confirmation.

Leah mumbled something incoherent and opened her eyes. Her vision was blurry but he was certain that she was staring at him. Jacob opened his mouth to say something but before he could, Leah had closed her eyes and was softly snoring.

Jacob sighed with relief.

Happy that Leah was safe and sound in bed, Jacob picked up her dirty clothes and took them downstairs to the Laundry room where he loaded them into the machine.

Jacob trudged back upstairs where he gently checked Leah's temperature and breathing. Once satisfied, he pulled up a chair and watched her sleep. She looked so peaceful, so young. So unlike someone who had just tried to take their own life. Jacob shook the thought away, he didn't want to think about it, there had to be an explanation for this. Leah Clearwater was the toughest person he knew, she wouldn't try to kill herself…would she?

Jacob pondered the question as he looked around Leah's bedroom. It was a lot more feminine than he had expected. He wasn't sure why that surprised him but it did.

He stood up and reached for a picture dangling from the corkboard above her bed. It was Leah but a Leah that hadn't existed for a while. She had long, thick black hair, almost waist length and smiling, dancing eyes. Leah had been so damn beautiful and carefree back then.

In the picture she was laughing and had her arm around someone. Jacob couldn't tell who, the picture had been torn in half. An educated guess told him that the other person had to be Sam Uley or maybe even Emily. Jacob looked at the cork board, most of the pictures that didn't feature a family member had been torn in some way and that made Jacob sad.

Leah Clearwater had once been the stuff his teenage fantasies were made of, until of course the seemingly more attainable Bella Swan had come along and everyone knew how that ended. Jacob sighed and ran his finger over the beautiful image, and looked down at the fragile sleeping girl. He tried to reconcile the two but couldn't. Jacob took the picture down and for reasons he didn't try to analyse or understand slipped it into his pocket and sat back down to watch the rise and fall of Leah's chest as she peacefully slept. It wasn't long before the sound of her light snoring sent him into slumber.

-x-

Leah opened her eyes and for at least five minutes struggled to remember who she was and where she was. All she knew was that her head was pounding and her throat felt as though it had been worked over with sand paper.

She couldn't see anything, she surmised that it must be pretty late. With a groan she managed to hoist herself up by the elbows and reach for her bedside lamp. She flicked it on then let out a scream of surprise.

Jacob Black was fast asleep in her bedroom.

Leah clutched her chest as her heart thumped hysterically against her rib cage. Jacob opened his eyes and stretched.

"What the hell are you doing here!?" Leah screeched, sitting up.

Jacob straightened himself up in his seat and looked at Leah for a long hard moment, he'd never say but he had never been more relieved than he was right now, seeing her in command of all her faculties, "I was worried about you, so I came looking. I even bought you some wedding cake."

Leah followed his gaze and looked down at herself. Jacob could tell from the look on her face that she didn't remember how she came to be in bed, with damp hair and dressed in Sam Uley's old Washington State University t-shirt.

"You almost O.D'ed on Vicodin." Jacob said simply.

Leah seemed to turn a deeper shade of pale as she ran fingers through her damp hair. "Oh."

Jacob waited for more, but there was no more as far as Leah seemed to be concerned, she got up and put on her bathrobe."You need to leave .I don't want you here." She turned to Jacob, holding the bedroom door open.

"Is that all you've got to say?"asked Jacob incredulously. "I found you sprawled out on the floor with a gut full of Vicodin and all you've got to say is 'Oh' and 'I don't want you here'?"

"What do you want me to say Jacob?" Leah asked full of attitude and a look of disdain on her face.

Jacob got up, "That it was an accident, that what looks like a botched suicide attempt was in fact a mistake. That you had too many glasses of champagne at Paul and Rachel's wedding and thought you were poppin' a few vitamin C tablets. I don't know, something like that."

Leah closed her eyes for a second and leaned her head against the door. "Ok. It was an accident. "she said half heartedly, refusing to meet Jacob's gaze.

"Maybe you should try again with a little conviction."

Leah smirked, but it wasn't the type of smirk Jacob had ever seen on Leah's lips before. This one was hollow, almost soulless. "Fine. McGruff,I tried to kill myself." Leah said with a shrug, "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Hearing her be so blasé hit Jacob like a speeding train, he hadn't wanted to be right despite all the evidence. "You don't mean that."

"I meant to kill myself tonight Jacob and I meant it to work!" Leah spat. "You should be happy."

"Why would I be happy?"Jacob recoiled in disgust.

"You can't stand me. I'm a harpy, remember? With me gone it'd be one less problem."

Jacob was rendered speechless. He didn't dislike Leah, at least not all the time. He had never actively despised her. It was just that she was a drag, so dark and morbid. When she wasn't talking in monosyllabic grunts she'd be verbally ripping some undeserving person to shreds and being around that all the time had become a burden.

"See,I was right." Leah said, reading his mind. "Now if you don't mind, I've got some things to attend to." She made a gesture for him to leave but Jacob stood firm.

"Have you even thought about your mom or brother ?" Jacob demanded.

Leah stomped her feet "This isn't about them!"

"Well maybe it should be!" Jacob yelled back, he wanted to shake some sense into her literally but right now she looked way too close to the proverbial edge. "You can feel anyway you want , but I'll be damned if I let you hurt your Mom and Seth,"

"And how are you going to stop me?" Leah challenged.

"I forbid you." Jacob said, smirking as he watched the cocky façade fall from her face.

Leah felt everything begin to shift. Dread was a feeling she was accustomed to and at the moment it was her best friend.

"I forbid you from ever trying to kill yourself again. Do you understand?" Jacob continued.

"No-"Leah gasped in horror, tears forming in her desolate eyes. At that instance she hated Jacob Black more than she hated her entire shitty existence. She wanted to die and now she wanted to take him with her.

"I said, I forbid you from ever trying to kill yourself again. Do you understand?" Jacob repeated, this time a little firmer.

He was her Alpha and what he said was law. If he said there was to be no more attempts to end her own life then there would be no more attempts. Instead she would have to continue to pass through the daily assault course that was her life until she reached her natural conclusion.

"I hate you! " Leah barked. "I hate you,Jacob Black…" tears falling down her cheeks. "I hate you."

"Don't Care." Jacob said with a sternness that felt unfamiliar to him. If hating him kept her alive then he could live with that, "I said, do you understand?"

Leah could feel herself crumble from the inside out; before she knew it she was a sobbing heap on the floor.

"DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND?"Jacob asked again, fighting the urge to comfort her.

Leah submersed in anguish couldn't find the words to speak, instead she nodded.

"Good." Jacob said quietly, "Now if you don't mind, I have a wedding party to get back too."He didn't wait for or even expect an answer, instead he walked past her and gently closed her door behind him.

TBC.


	3. Chapter 3

**SONG OF SOLOMON**

CHAPTER 3: A SWIMMING POOL FULL OF LIQUOR.

It wasn't until Jacob closed the front door of the Clearwater Residence and got inside his truck that he was able to exhale. The events of the night had been surreal and intense. Right now he wasn't sure of what to do with himself. He knew that the wedding party would still be in full swing but he didn't have the heart for it. Something didn't feel quite right about being around all those happy oblivious people, and he couldn't stomach the thought of bumping into Sue and Seth who would probably be in the throes of a good time.

He looked up at Leah's window and saw her stare out at him for a few hard minutes before closing her curtain. He knew she wouldn't call on him, but he did the only thing that felt right, and that was to put the radio on and sit tight for a while, just in case.

-x-

Two days passed and Jacob hadn't seen Leah around town nor had she been to any pack meetings, but no news had to be good news, because if she had been in serious trouble he would have heard about it by now. News travelled quicker than the speed of light around the reservation and besides, Leah Clearwater wasn't his problem. At least that was what he told himself. As far as he was concerned he had done his bit and now she could be someone else's problem for all he cared, but his conscience would not let him forget how hollow her eyes looked, how tormented she seemed. They were suddenly bound by this sad secret…Jacob shook the thoughts away and tried to concentrate on the Football game playing on the TV.

He had company today. Quil, Colin and Seth had come around to watch the game and hang out. It had been a welcomed distraction. He waited for the perfect moment to approach Seth."So, how's Leah been lately? ".

Seth thought about the question for about 0.3 seconds before answering "Fine, I guess." If the question seemed weird or unexpected to him he didn't show it.

"Fine?" Jake made a face.

"Well, as fine as Leah can be." Seth said with a chuckle, his eyes never leaving the TV screen, "as long as she's not on my case I'm cool. You know what she's like."

"Yeah." said Jacob quietly, "I know what she's like."

He thought back to a few nights ago when he had found her unconscious and knocking on deaths door.

"I haven't seen much of her. She's been going out a lot" ,Seth picked up a handful of chips and stuffed them into his mouth. "Dancing, I think."

That sounded promising to Jacob's ears. Maybe they could put this whole suicide thing behind them."Why do you think she's going dancing?"

" Cos' all her clothes smell like Booze and cigarette smoke. She leaves late, comes back late and then sleeps all day. My mom is pissed..."

Jacob didn't know what to make of that,to his knowledge Leah had never been much of a dancer, a drinker or a smoker for that matter. He felt his insides sink.

"Dude, Why all the questions about Leah?" Seth suddenly turned to Jacob.

"No reason.." Jacob lied, "I just haven't seen her around much. That's all."

"Oh Ok." Said Seth, quickly turning his attention back to the game.

Being the naive uncomplicated creature that Seth Clearwater was meant that he took everything at face value and didn't tend to analyse anything at all, which proved to be both a help and a hindrance in trying to gage Leah Clearwater's emotional state and current well-being. Jacob knew that he'd have to find out for himself.

-x-

The next day Jacob pulled up to the Clearwater residence, a little hesitant. He didn't know how he'd be received .He didn't want to draw any unnecessary attention to Leah, especially since he had chosen not to tell her mother or brother about her suicide attempt. He wanted to act normal but there was nothing normal about Jacob Black making a social call to Leah Clearwater. Seth and Sue would automatically know something strange was going on. So he'd go in under the pretence of hanging out with Seth and try and get a peek at Leah. It wasn't exactly CIA level strategising but for all intents and purposes it would have to do.

Leah saved him the trouble.

As if she'd heard his thoughts, she came sailing out of the front door wearing what had to be the shortest little black dress Jacob had ever seen. She was barefoot and in one hand she held on to the straps of black high heeled sandals and in the other, a small purse. Leah Clearwater was beautiful; most would even say she was hot. Absolute fire had crossed Jacob's mind for a second, but it disturbed him, not least because it was Leah but because although she didn't look as frail as she had a few nights ago, this wasn't an incarnation of Leah that he had ever met. Something about her seemed off.

Jacob got off of his Motorcycle to greet her.

Leah immediately scowled, "What are you doing here?" she asked, with no apparent attempt to hide her disdain.

"I wanted to see how you are."

"You've seen me." Leah said giving an exaggerated twirl, "Now you can fuck off!"

Jacob chose to ignore the resentment in her voice and let it bounce off of him, "Where are you going?" he asked as she walked past him towards her car.

"None of your God damned business!"She yelled as she opened her car and threw her purse and heels into the front passenger seat.

"I wanted to talk to you." Jacob came up behind her. "I think we have a lot to talk about if you've got some time. We could go get a coffee or.."

Leah turned to face Jacob, "You and I have absolutely nothing to talk about. EVER." She turned back around, got into her car and reached for the door to close it behind her but Jacob intercepted and refused to let go.

Jacob opened his mouth to say something else but the words soon escaped him once he'd seen the look on Leah's face.

"You wanted me alive, I'm alive." Leah growled. She reclaimed the door with all her might and pulled it shut.

Jacob stood, submerged in brown dust as he watched Leah's car accelerate and peel off down the road. His head immediately told him to forget about it and go home because Leah Clearwater was not his problem ,but his heart told him to follow her. He kicked a small rock and sighed with resignation before jumping on his bike in pursuit of Leah Clearwater.

-x-

By the time Jacob pulled up outside what appeared to be a Nightclub the sun had already set. The bass of a hip hop track was booming through the walls of the establishment and crowds were gathered at the entrance, full of anxious young and trendy rave goers.

Leah didn't queue, instead she simply sailed past the crowd, waved at the burly doormen who smiled and lifted the velvet rope. Once on the right side of the rope Leah planted a kiss on one of the guys' cheeks and went inside.

Jacob was astounded. Who was this Leah? He didn't have much time to think about it as he made his way past all the cars, then the crowds and up to the clubs entrance. Once there he tried his luck but was stopped with a flat palm to his chest. "Where do you think you're going?" asked one of the huge doormen.

"Inside. I need a drink." Jacob said, trying to sound cool and confident.

Although he wasn't 21 years old, he knew that his height and stature often fooled people into thinking that he was. He hoped that tonight the guys wouldn't ask for ID. They didn't.

" You're gonna have to wait like everybody else." Sneered the other doorman, tilting his head to indicate the line of people waiting. It seemed to go on for mile.

Jacob inwardly sighed. "…I just saw Leah come in, you know, short black dress, olive skin, black bob, dark lipstick.."

"You know Leah?" said the doorman who had received the kiss a few minutes earlier.

"Yeah."

"I've been trying to get her digits for a while now." Said the doorman.

The other doorman laughed " Yep Gary's been trying a good long while, if you know what I mean."

"I'm her …cousin."Jacob lied. "I could talk to her for you. If you let me in."

The love ridden doorman looked Jacob over suspiciously, but lifted the velvet rope anyway indicating that Jacob had permission to enter the club, much to the chagrin of a bunch of college kids at the front of the queue who moaned loudly .

"Hook me up Bro, hook me up." The doorman smiled, patting Jacob on the back as he passed.

"You wish." Jacob said under his breath.

-x-

Once inside Jacob squinted whilst his eyes adjusted first to the dark, and then to the darts of fluorescent lighting and booming music. He shyly sloped past two heavily pierced and tattooed girls who were making out ferociously against a pay phone.

There were people everywhere, drinking, shouting, bumping and grinding. It was like something out of a Hieronymus Bosch painting. 'This has to be a fire hazard' Jacob thought to himself as he made his way through the crowd trying to scope out Leah Clearwater. And once again, as if she had heard his thoughts there she was, barefoot and dancing on the bar with a bunch of other girls.

For a second Jacob allowed himself to be hypnotised by the sight of Leah Clearwater. She really was beautiful; there was no denying it even if he wanted to. The sight of her dancing with such reckless abandon, whilst swigging from what appeared to be a bottle of Jack Daniels made him want to get up there and join her, she looked happy, free…almost. It was then that their eyes locked. Leah spotted him from up high, and although she automatically stopped smiling, she didn't scowl or look away, instead she kept dancing .

Jacob wasn't sure of what to do but watch her. And she watched him right back, arresting him with her eyes. There was something warm and symbiotic holding them to each other, peaceful and lulling. An understanding of sorts. He suddenly felt close to her in a way that he never had before. It was only the excited scream of revellers on the dance floor that knocked them both out of their joint reverie. "I love this song!" and "This is my Jam!" spread around the crowd like wild fire. People began singing along.

" _why you babysittin' only 2 or 3 shots?__  
__I'ma show you how to turn it up a notch__  
__First you get a swimming pool full of liquor, then you dive in it__  
__Pool full of liquor, then you dive in it.."_

Leah handed her bottle to the closest person, jumped down from the bar and walked up to Jacob. "Dance with me." She said, taking hold of his hand and leading him to the middle of the dance floor. Jacob tried to resist. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Later!" Leah screamed over the music, the faint smell of alcohol on her breath.

She began a slow bump and grind, moving her body lackadaisically to the beat. Before Jacob knew what was happening he could feel his limbs begin to surrender and begin to move. It had been a while since he had danced and it took a few minutes for his body to get used to the sensation, but after a few seconds moving began to feel enjoyable. He let the music carry him away.

"…_I wave a few bottles, then I watch em all flock__  
__All the girls wanna play Baywatch__  
__I got a swimming pool full of liquor and they dive in it__  
__Pool full of liquor I'ma dive in it…_

The crush of people on the dance floor pulled him away from his dance partner as if it were a swirling tide. Once the song ended Jacob searched the dance area for Leah. When he found her he tried not to clench his fists.

Leah stood with her arms wrapped around the neck of some guy Jake had never seen before. The guy had his tongue half way down Leah's throat and his hands were firmly placed on her ass.

Jacob could feel his anger begin to rise. He walked over and grabbed Leah. "Hey!" the guy exclaimed. He tried to step to Jacob but soon realised that Jacob Black was built like a wall. "My bad, Bro. I didn't know she was with you."

Jacob had enough, he picked Leah up, carried her over his shoulder out of the club and past bemused patrons as Leah screamed, spat and swore blue murder.

Jacob held onto her with an iron grip as she thrashed wildly trying to release herself but to little avail. He was stronger than her. Once they were in the car park and Leah's car was in sight, Jacob put Leah down. The minute he did she lunged at him, pushing him hard enough to make him stumble backwards. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!",She yelled over and over again. She brought her arms up ready to push again, harder but Jacob firmly restrained her with his hands.

"Why are you doing this to yourself Leah?" Jacob asked, genuinely bewildered. "This isn't you!"

"You think you know me!?" Leah screeched. "Huh !? C'mon, Omnipotent one…How is it that you know me better than I know myself. Tell me !?". Leah stopped screaming for a second then turned an unworldly shade of green, and for the second time in so many days Jacob was watching Leah Clearwater throw up. Jacob gently reached for her hair and held it up as she purged. He rubbed circles into her back as she wretched and heaved. Her guts contracting as the bile and vomit rose then expelled.

"Don't touch me." Leah said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Stop being stubborn." Jacob said, digging into his pockets for a handkerchief. He found a clean piece of tattered tissue. He held it out towards Leah who took it reluctantly.

"I'm not being stubborn, I'm being steadfast." She dabbed at her mouth.

Jacob shook his head,"I hoped that you would feel differently by now."

Leah looked at him incredulously for a few moments."You took away my freewill Jacob. How am I supposed to feel ?" she said, fighting the urge to cry.

"Was I supposed to just stand by and watch you kill yourself?"

Leah said nothing and looked away, towards the blackened horizon. Jacob wanted to hold her, he felt compelled but it wasn't his place. They didn't have that kind of relationship, she wouldn't want it. So he simply spoke from his heart, "If you had succeeded in killing yourself the other night it would have crushed me. It would have crushed all of us."

His admission was met with awkward silence but at least this time Leah looked at him, as if only to search for a hint of a lie but there was none, he had been honest. Jacob wasn't sure where the words had come from but once the words had left his mouth he knew them to be true. Leah was the messy, thundering heart of the group, his right hand woman. "Won't you at least tell me why?"

A moment passed. "Can I trust you?" Leah asked in the smallest voice he'd ever known her to use.

"You know you can." Jacob said.

Leah nodded, "Wait here." she said, as she opened her car. Got in and poked around the glove compartment. She took out two letters, then got out and handed them to Jacob.

Jacob took the first letter and pulled it out of the ripped envelope. It took him a few seconds to figure out what he was reading. Test results. Before he could process what he was reading Leah began to talk.

"I am officially barren, sterile, infertile. Unable to bear a child. They call it 'Reproductive endocrinology." Leah said with the certainty of someone who had practiced the words many times.

Jacob had known that her periods had stopped when the change happened but what he hadn't known was that they had stopped forever. He felt his insides drop.

"You guys act like I'm one of the dudes, turns out I actually am.", Leah tried at humour but the words fell flat. Jokes don't always work when they lack irony and are based in too painful a truth.

"Lee, I'm so sorr-" Jacob began.

Leah held up her hand to stop him talking. She didn't want to hear his apologies; she didn't need what she perceived as his pity. Instead she pointed towards the second envelope.

Jacob examined the envelope and noticed it was marked ' Washington State University' . College? He was surprised, he hadn't known that Leah was thinking about college. He read the letter:

"_Dear Miss Clearwater, we regret to inform you that your application has not been successful…_".Jacob read the letter of rejection once, then read it again.

"That's the first of three and they all end the same way." Leah said. Hoisting herself up onto the trunk of her car.

Jacob looked up from the letters in his hand and into Leah's desolate eyes. That was a lot of bad news for anyone to get in the space of a few weeks, not to mention everything Leah had been through in the past two years, becoming a wolf and losing her father. It had been a lot by anyone's standards.

"This is my life Jacob." Leah said, "This is as good as it gets."

Jacob sat next to her. "That's not true." He murmured ,but it lacked the conviction of someone who believed in happily ever after and Jacob Black had seen too much in his life to be able to truly sell a dream.

Leah let a tear roll down her cheek and hit her knee. "College was my ticket out of here, I was going to go and never come back.."She sighed wistfully. "…and I was gonna be successful, then fall in Love again and have babies and…." She bit her lip as if she had said too much. "I'm a fucking failure." Leah suddenly felt naked. She covered her face with the palm of her hands and began to cry. At first her sobs were small and surface but then they became guttural and filled with pain.

Jacob watched for a second, weighing up what to do; to touch her or not touch her. His conscience soon told him 'Fuck it!' as he reached for her, pulling her roughly towards him, then holding her securely to her chest, enveloping her with his arms ."You are not a failure Leah, you are not a failure…" he repeated softly in her ear, rocking her gently.

To be continued.


End file.
